I have so many thoughts in my head today.

It's my 41st birthday. I have mixed feelings about that - I've done so much in life, yet there's more I want to accomplish.

For the first time ever, I hear the clock ticking and I know I can't stop it.

A memorial service today here at Fort Riley honors Army Pvt. Benjamin Tollefson, killed in Balad on New Year's Eve. Pvt. Tollefson was 22 years old, husband to a young wife and father to an eight-month-old son.

God I'm lucky.

Last year was my best birthday ever. It was the day Mark arrived back on U.S. soil after a year in Iraq. I didn't actually see him until four days later, but no matter.

Knowing that he was safe was all I needed.

This year he's here to celebrate with me. Today isn't just my birthday, it's the official end of our re-integration phase, the military term for life immediately after war.

Experts say reintegration - the time it takes for families and relationships and individuals to get back to normal after a long deployment - takes about a year.

We're there.

Or at least as there as we're going to be.

As of this month we officially started our one-year countdown to the next deployment. Just as we spent last year making up for lost holidays and sharing all that we had missed, we'll spend this year with the cloud of being apart again hanging over our heads.

Today is bittersweet in every sense of the word.

You're in my thoughts, birthday girl. While the coming year will be bittersweet, I know you'll make the most of every day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Try to spend today in the moment. No yesterday or tomorrow. Enjoy every second and do just what you want to do. I hope this birthday is everything you desire it to be. I was late on the blog update. I've been so busy I don't get a chance to write as often as I'd like. But yesterdays roll call was great! Good to see so many of us are still around... What a testamemt to you and this blog.

Treasure today - don't worry about tomorrow. Happy birthday baby sister!!

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!! Though of you last night at the beach on Anna Maria as I had my Birthday dinner. Time will fly as the past 41 years have for you.

Thanks, everyone. Living for the moment is a hard one for me but I'm working on it. This morning Mark gave me a stack of my favorite trash magazines, two pieces of cheesecake and a slice of carrot cake. Does that man know me or what? I'm sure he would have added in an adult beverage but probably thought better of it since it was 7 a.m.!!!

Sounds like a great birthday so far! Here's hoping the rest of the year goes just as well. Cheers!

Oh Jan, I know what you mean about it being bittersweet. It seems like we don't get much time to enjoy the "now" with them before having to contemplate another deployment or anything that takes them away from us. Have a fabulous birthday nonetheless though. Maybe you could have had a mimosa for your "adult" beverage this morning? :)

Happy Birthday Jan! Try not to dwell on the upcoming deployment (I know, I know easier said than done) and just enjoy every little moment with your husband. I know by know you already know this, but it never hurts to hear it again.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I plan to tip an adult beverage in your honor as soon as I get home from work (thanks for the excuse!). I echo the sentiments of all the other posters - while I can't begin to imagine how difficult it is to live with another deployment looming, there's no need to borrow trouble. Enjoy today, then tomorrow, then the next day...

Thanks for the continued birthday wishes and sage advice! I can tell you that I will be making margaritas tonight, despite the cold. I will raise a toast to all of you, but not until I get back from an FRG meeting (family readiness group for the non-military out there). Oh yeah, I've been sucked into that, too, since arriving in Kansas!!! But more on that in another post ...

You know....here in the cold north....some coffee and a liberal splash of Baileys makes a loverly cocktail....I'm just sayin'. Have a great birthday!!!!!

Cheesecake and Carrot Cake—every morning should start out that way!! I hope you had a wonderful day!! Jan, do you scrapbook? I wonder if documenting this year via a scrapbook would be beneficial for you and the kids….and maybe even Mark?? I’d love to scrapbook if I had the time….I always buy the “stuff”, but never get a chance to pull it all out and get one started. The dollar store had some cute kits so I picked up a few for the kids to start working on….maybe they’ll get one started and I can just “supervise”. Anyway, just a thought to celebrate the here and now as you embark on this next difficult countdown. I’m still smiling about the cheesecake and carrot cake….what a smart guy!

Trudy is the second person today to suggest the Bailey's and coffee. I just might have to try it! Jackies8 - I'm like you - I buy the scrapbook stuff all the time but never really do it. But documenting the next year is a great idea. I've always had photography as a hobby and am getting back into it this year. For Christmas, Mark bought me admission to a day-long photography seminar in Kansas City as my Christmas present. I'm thinking that plus scrapbooking could be a good thing!

Jackies8 & Jan, like you, I never managed to get around to scrapbooking. Have all the stuff, it just sits there. I'm more likely to be messing around on the computer. I discovered a new way to "scrap"book online. On the kodak website, I have loaded all my photos on there (you don't have to have a kodak camera to use the website). Under the shop section, they have different photobooks. I've chosen the largest one, and have slowly been added pictures to pages with captions. It's the closest to scrapbooking I'm going to get. I can save projects, and whenever I have a few minutes, I just log onto it and work on it. I have chosen a leather bound book for longevity, and even with that, it's still way less expensive than all the stuff I buy for scrapbooking (est. $70 finished). As a bonus, I've decided to relinquish my scrapbooking stuff for craft projects with my daughter!

TheresaM - i made my parents one of those books for their 60th anniversary. It was really cool. I'd like to make one for you each of my kids of their lives so far, and for Mark, for Christmas next year. But, who knows if it will really happen - I always have so many great ideas but never get around to doing them !

Happy Birthday. My dh is back on US soil ! He got to the states last night and is at Ft. Riley today!

YEAH!!!!! Mauimere - If I would have realized he was coming here, I would have gone to meet him!!!!!! Hooray for you!!!!!!

TheresaM & Jan- I’ve seen those books and they are very nicely done. I think most of the photo websites have a hardcover book of some sort to create. My dad did one for my mother with all of her paintings from early years to current. (My parents are artists, their web site: www.jlmunro.com ) It will now be the working copy from which they will edit and then reprint eventually. I like the idea of making one for each of the kids. At what age would you suggest creating the book? Larry will be 20 this year, so I can see making one for him now….or should I wait until he has completed his college (undergrad at least)? The photo seminar sounds like a terrific time. I’m jealous!