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Our President is a dirty mack

By Bryan Richardson

I don’t trust Barack Obama. I’ve found out some troubling information about him recently.

Time Magazine ran a story on Obama’s 1979 prom. Kelli Allman (nee McCormack), who was a classmate of Obama, provided pictures including a letter Obama wrote in her yearbook.

Allman was the prom date of Greg Orme, who had a brotherly relationship with Obama, according to her. If they were like brothers, then why would Obama write up this letter?

Kelli,

It has been so nice getting to know you this year. You are extremely sweet and foxy, I don’t know why Greg would want to spend any time with me at all! You really deserve better than clowns like us; you even laugh at my jokes! I hope we can keep in touch this summer, even though Greg will be gone. Call me up and I’ll buy you lunch sometime. (gives number) Anyway, good luck in everything you do, and stay happy.

Your friend,

Love (draws a heart)

Barry Obama

The shocking truth is that our president is a dirty mack. A dirty mack is the opposite of a wingman. A dirty mack doesn’t help you get a lady. A dirty mack takes your lady. Cold blooded stuff.

“Kelli, It has been so nice getting to know you this year.”

Now the letter starts very friendly. This is crucial because Barry knows he can’t state his intentions right away.

“You are extremely sweet and foxy, I don’t know why Greg would want to spend any time with me at all!”

The dirty mack begins. Barry is starting to take control of the situation. He gives her what I assume is as definitive of a statement as you could make in 1979 about a woman’s beauty. Barry contrasts his affection for her with the lack of attention Greg gives her. Barry implies that if he was with Kelli, he would spend all of his time with her.

“You really deserve better than clowns like us; you even laugh at my jokes!”

A little self-deprecating humor goes a long way. Kelli probably laughs and thinks to herself, “You’re not a clown, Barry.” Also, Barry mentions his jokes, which reminds Kelli of his jokes. The jokes she likes.

“I hope we can keep in touch this summer, even though Greg will be gone. Call me up and I’ll buy you lunch sometimes. (gives number)”

Self-explanatory. Barry is being assertive. Kelli likes assertiveness.

“Anyway, good luck in everything you do, and stay happy.”

This is very smooth. He’s giving off the illusion that he doesn’t expect a call from her by saying good luck. After being assertive, he decides to play it cool because he doesn’t want to seem arrogant. Stay happy, he says. Stay happy with me, he thinks.

“Your friend, Love (draws a heart) Barry Obama”

If you get a chance to see the letter, you’ll notice that the word love and the drawn heart almost look subliminal. It’s neatly tucked between “Your friend” and “Barry Obama.”

Time’s article doesn’t address what came of this yearbook letter. I think I can guess what happened next.

Greg left Hawaii that summer for disco camp on the mainland. He really wanted to impress Kelli with his sweet moves on the dance floor. Barry actually suggested the idea to him.

Meanwhile, Kelli called Barry because she enjoyed his company during school. Barry, who was already a fantastic dancer, showed off his moves to Kelli. He bought her lunch. He sang Al Green songs. He spent every opportunity he could with her.

Barry left for college. Kelli was hurt at the time, but she now looks back fondly on that special time. Greg came back at the end of the summer, but Kelli didn’t have feelings for Greg anymore.

Greg was betrayed by Barry, who was like a brother to him. Also, Greg took pointless dance lessons because disco as a genre lost relevance by the end of the 1970s.

Moral of the story: Don’t trust Obama, and behind every relationship, there’s somebody who is waiting to move into your position.

I encourage couples to love each other a little harder and make sure the person lurking in the shadows isn’t a future President of the United States of America.









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